problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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