Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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