I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
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