Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
