I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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