god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
