why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
