Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
