I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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