he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I forgot wine drunk hurts
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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