At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
