Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
