I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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