Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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