Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
