My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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