that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
