burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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