okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Blood and glitter go together right?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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