Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
