A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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