I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
