My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
