so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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