12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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