It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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