She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
