I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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