based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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