before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize