I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
