So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
