my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
