I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
