I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
