my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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