Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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