You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
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