i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
