That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
