That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
