Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
