no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
