Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
