Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Non-Jews are for practice
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
