the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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