Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
