she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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