my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
