just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
