she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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