did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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