K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
