I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
