So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
