Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
