So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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