I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize