What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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