Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
