Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize