Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Too much gin, very little bucket
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
