I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
