The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
