I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
pray to the hookup gods
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
