i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
