There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
