hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
