We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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