Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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