You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
