if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
