I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Watching her eat just hurts me
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
