dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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