My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I am spending my child support on dildos
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
