my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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