You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize