i think my tv is drunk
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
