God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
