youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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