1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
