I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
