Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
