All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
