I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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