just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
