bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
