Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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