Sponge bath it is.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
