what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
