woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
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