So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
