He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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