Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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