i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
