I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
