I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
