question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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