I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
