Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
