I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
