ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
