Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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