You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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