I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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