her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
